BECKONING
In December, after Sue disappeared, I took an on-line crash course. It was called ‘Becoming a Doctor’.
It was a strenuous course and required a lot of reading. I graduated the day after I enrolled and immediately prescribed medication for myself. It was one to three cans of Big Spruce Beer per day. I prescribed plenty of re-fills.
However, over time I discovered that this prescription was too strong. So, I decided to drop the dosage.
It was a strenuous course and required a lot of reading. I graduated the day after I enrolled and immediately prescribed medication for myself. It was one to three cans of Big Spruce Beer per day. I prescribed plenty of re-fills.
However, over time I discovered that this prescription was too strong. So, I decided to drop the dosage.
HE SURE CAN MOVE
I’ll tell you this. The pro-beer-drinking lawyer in my mind is always trying to up my prescription dosage. He’s a match for any top notch city legal professional.
For example, I decided that I would make a certain day per week, beer free. My sneaky lawyer didn’t like that.
On one beer-free day, I visited a friend. We went for a long healthy hike and after we got back to her house, some folks dropped around. I was asked if I wanted a glass of beer. This would be a half dose. My lawyer nudged me into saying, “Yes please.”
For example, I decided that I would make a certain day per week, beer free. My sneaky lawyer didn’t like that.
On one beer-free day, I visited a friend. We went for a long healthy hike and after we got back to her house, some folks dropped around. I was asked if I wanted a glass of beer. This would be a half dose. My lawyer nudged me into saying, “Yes please.”
CLOUDS OVER HIGHLANDS
On the way home I didn’t have to pass the liquor store. However, a few minutes later I was walking through my alcohol purveyor’s front door.
Here’s how that happened. Blame my lawyer.
“Listen,” he said to me. “You’ve already had a beer and blown up this beer-free day.”
It made sense in a deeply esoteric way.
So, I bought two cans, but am happy to report that I only drank one that evening.
Here’s how that happened. Blame my lawyer.
“Listen,” he said to me. “You’ve already had a beer and blown up this beer-free day.”
It made sense in a deeply esoteric way.
So, I bought two cans, but am happy to report that I only drank one that evening.
DOMINIC ON A BALE OF HAY
Word quickly got to my lawyer that I had only consumed one of the two cans. So, the next day, he convinced me that this day should not be looked at as a no-drinking-beer day just because I blew up yesterday’s plan. It wouldn’t be fair to me or to any other person who loved justice. I had to stick to my plan even if I hadn’t stuck to my plan the day before.
I therefore bought two cans of beer for that day. Legally, before things got all bumbled up, this day was slotted to be a two-pint-dosage day. Now I would have three beer in the fridge. Two to drink and one to spice up my dosage consumption with some exciting temptation.
You see, I have two very special days where I have three beer, but this day was a normal two-beer day. However, my lawyer had more to say about that.
“Oh Larry, for ‘F’ sake. Yesterday turned out not to be a no-beer day, as you planned because you had half a dose and then another full pint dose which made it a two can day, even if you didn’t drink the other one. Therefore, to fulfill your prescription for today, which is, legitimately, a two can day, you should most certainly drink the two beers you just bought and then drink the other beer because, you may have forgotten, but you were going to allow yourself three beer days during every statutory holiday. Do you have any idea how many of those days you have missed?”
You see, I have two very special days where I have three beer, but this day was a normal two-beer day. However, my lawyer had more to say about that.
“Oh Larry, for ‘F’ sake. Yesterday turned out not to be a no-beer day, as you planned because you had half a dose and then another full pint dose which made it a two can day, even if you didn’t drink the other one. Therefore, to fulfill your prescription for today, which is, legitimately, a two can day, you should most certainly drink the two beers you just bought and then drink the other beer because, you may have forgotten, but you were going to allow yourself three beer days during every statutory holiday. Do you have any idea how many of those days you have missed?”
“Oh cripes,” I thought. He had me against the ropes.
See what I mean. This character is really sharp and he knows where to hit my thirsty spots.
I decided, that the next day, beginning at twelve am sharp, I’d be strong and no matter what my beer besotted lawyer said, I’d only prescribe what I had decided to prescribe.
See what I mean. This character is really sharp and he knows where to hit my thirsty spots.
I decided, that the next day, beginning at twelve am sharp, I’d be strong and no matter what my beer besotted lawyer said, I’d only prescribe what I had decided to prescribe.
STARTING POINT OF TRAIL TO ESKASONI CROSS
I made this decision while I sat in the woodshed, drinking one of my drinks and while Dominic poked and prodded his nose about the woodshed as he tried to find a rascally squirrel.
I mentioned this decision to my lawyer and waited to see how he spun out his arguments. I planned to hang tough.
My internal lawyer is no dummy. He changed the topic. He distracted me and didn’t try to change my mind.
You see, he started to blab on about weeds. Not weed. Weeds however, for a brief moment I’d thought he was going to get me toking and drinking. I thought he was branching out, but no, he was actually talking about the plants that many of us call weeds.
I mentioned this decision to my lawyer and waited to see how he spun out his arguments. I planned to hang tough.
My internal lawyer is no dummy. He changed the topic. He distracted me and didn’t try to change my mind.
You see, he started to blab on about weeds. Not weed. Weeds however, for a brief moment I’d thought he was going to get me toking and drinking. I thought he was branching out, but no, he was actually talking about the plants that many of us call weeds.
Good Friday PILGRIM
He mentioned that some people think certain plants are weeds and certain plants aren’t weeds.
So now my damn lawyer is a horticulturist.
He showed me, in my mind, exhibit one. It was a photo of a massive field. It was covered in dandelions. Bright yellow dandelions.
“What do you think of all those dandelions?” He asked.
So now my damn lawyer is a horticulturist.
He showed me, in my mind, exhibit one. It was a photo of a massive field. It was covered in dandelions. Bright yellow dandelions.
“What do you think of all those dandelions?” He asked.
THEY"RE EVERYWHERE
I swallowed a portion of my prescription, thought about his question and then answered.
“I think the dandelions in the photo are out of control,” I said. “They’re probably suffocating out some of the prettier plants.”
My addiction lawyer pounced. He pulled out exhibit two.
“Take a good look at this photo.” He pushed the photo right up close to my frontal cortex.
It was a photograph of a major city. The city smothered kilometres and kilometres of acreage. Not a dandelion in sight. Roads, concrete, concrete and more concrete and steel.
“I think the dandelions in the photo are out of control,” I said. “They’re probably suffocating out some of the prettier plants.”
My addiction lawyer pounced. He pulled out exhibit two.
“Take a good look at this photo.” He pushed the photo right up close to my frontal cortex.
It was a photograph of a major city. The city smothered kilometres and kilometres of acreage. Not a dandelion in sight. Roads, concrete, concrete and more concrete and steel.
JENNA HIKING ESKASONI TRAIL ON GOOD FRIDAY
“Who’s out of control?” He said.
I suddenly felt mighty thirsty. My lawyer suggested I have another beer.
Then he pulled out exhibit three. It was a photo of a massive clear cut. My damn lawyer was a rubber booter.
“Do you know how many diseases that dandelions can help cure?”
I said I didn’t. He therefore rattled off a list of their benefits.
I suddenly felt mighty thirsty. My lawyer suggested I have another beer.
Then he pulled out exhibit three. It was a photo of a massive clear cut. My damn lawyer was a rubber booter.
“Do you know how many diseases that dandelions can help cure?”
I said I didn’t. He therefore rattled off a list of their benefits.
MORNING HIKE WITH DOMINIC
“Well then, stop bad mouthing them and drink your beer before it goes sour. Respect the dandelions ability to withstand human depredations. Let’s drink to that.”
Later on, I whipped off to my purveyors, after I decided to make this day a four-pint-beer day. A really, really special day. My lawyer was pleased.
Back in the woodshed, I got thinking, wouldn’t it be great if all those internal lawyers who continuously work at talking us into addictive behaviours, were able to get together and argue for saving our planet from our uncontrollable addictive consumption.
Later on, I whipped off to my purveyors, after I decided to make this day a four-pint-beer day. A really, really special day. My lawyer was pleased.
Back in the woodshed, I got thinking, wouldn’t it be great if all those internal lawyers who continuously work at talking us into addictive behaviours, were able to get together and argue for saving our planet from our uncontrollable addictive consumption.
PUDDLE ICE GOES TO CHURCH
Suddenly, while I was sitting in the woodshed chair, trying to tie these tenuous thoughts together, so that this blog wouldn’t look totally out there, young Dominic plunked himself onto my lap. A piece of a red squirrel’s tail dangled from his mouth. He dropped the tail onto my lap and gave me a kiss.
SNOW GHOST
I realized what his addiction was and wondered if he had a lawyer as smart as mine.
And that’s when I decided to take a drive and buy myself three beer-tonic cans for tomorrow. I like to be prepared.
And that’s when I decided to take a drive and buy myself three beer-tonic cans for tomorrow. I like to be prepared.
OUR MORNING HIKING TRAIL
The purveyor woman told me it would be cheaper if I bought a four pack. My lawyer sent me a quick wink wink. I bought a four pack.
Did I mention that Dominic has a squirrel addiction? He has set up a blind under the deck and will sit in the blind for hours shaking and waiting as he watches for squirrels.
The shaking worries me a wee bit, but he seems to be in control.
Did I mention that Dominic has a squirrel addiction? He has set up a blind under the deck and will sit in the blind for hours shaking and waiting as he watches for squirrels.
The shaking worries me a wee bit, but he seems to be in control.
LAVERNE LOOKS AT VIRGIN MARY STATUE
